Thursday, July 8, 2010

Tiglath-Pileser Named Most Important Historical Figure

Editors of Time Magazine, National Geographic, The Christian Science Monitor, and the Economist unanimously voted ancient Assyrian King Tiglath-Pileser III as the most important historical figure of all time. All four publications will feature Tiglath-Pileser on the covers of their September issues.

Tiglath-Pileser III was a prominent King of Assyria in the 8th Century B.C.E. He is credited with, among other heroics, synthesizing heroin, building all the ziggurats by hand, inventing fabric, playing the guitar very well, revolutionizing sexual intercourse, inventing the concept of rhyming, bringing healthy food to the masses, and having almost no body odor, which was especially notable for the times. Tiglath-Pileser III, who preferred to go by "Tiglat," was known among friends as "an all around stand-up guy," according to historical documents written in cuneiform.

Other historical figures in the running were: Emilio Aguinaldo, Filipino revolutionary and prolific knitter; several Russian hockey players with long names; the dentist; and Art K. Prager, an especially skilled custodian of a suburban Florida elementary school.


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