C.B. Fleet--maker of the Summer's Eve line of feminine hygiene products--has announced today that on Monday, July 19, it will introduce its new masculine hygiene product, called the "Dick Bidet." CVS, Rite Aid, Duane Reade, Walgreens, Walmart, Kmart, Best Buy, and Whole Foods will carry it. The Dick Bidet will be stocked not with the toiletries, but, at each store's discretion and preference, next to the beef jerky, the firearms, the porn, or the cigars.
Why a masculine hygiene product? Why now? "Girlfriends and wives are writing us letters," said a spokeswoman from C.B. Fleet, "saying that their boyfriends and husbands are sneaking squirts from their Summer's Eve, so they too can feel fresh and clean. We thought we'd make it easier for these gentlemen, and also for the women in their lives who are often left with confusingly empty bottles and gentlemen in denial."
The Dick Bidet is shaped like a trough with an indentation at one end. All along the body of the trough are small holes are fed by two tubes within the wall of the trough, in the style of a sprinkler and a hose. The tubes connect to a packet of Masculine Cleansing Fluid that the man squeezes to use. The fluid drains to a small hole that aligns with the man's urethra--so, if need be, he can also urinate while using the device. "it's a truly compassionate piece of equipment," commented the representative from C.B. Fleet. "Finally, we've given men what they need so they can feel fresh and confident."
The Dick Bidet--reusable!--will retail at $44.99, and each device comes with four Masculine Cleansing Fluid packs, which are also sold separately in refill packs of 25. A patented Ball Attachment, recommended for hairier gentlemen, is also available for $12.99.