Friday, July 9, 2010

State of Kansas Declares War Against City of Los Angeles

Early this morning, the state of Kansas sent sixteen WWII-era warplanes to fly over Los Angeles, California and drop tar and feathers all over the city. Los Angelenos awoke this morning to find their city oozing with tar and fluffy with goose-down feathers. According to witnesses, Sunset Boulevard looked like "shits and blizzards" had hit it.

The US Federal Government, while refusing to take sides, has declared a state of emergency in Los Angeles.

Kansas officials claim that Los Angeles "provoked" them with its "ridiculous movie business" and "dumb mountains" and "stupid beaches" and especially "fucking Vin Diesel." It emphasizes that its trouble is only with Los Angeles, not California as a whole. California agrees and has washed its hands of Los Angeles and any situation that may occur in the city. Los Angeles, for its part, prepared to launch twelve nuclear bombs on Kansas this afternoon.

"We're going to flatten Kansas completely," said Vin Diesel, who has taken leadership of the defense. "Oh wait... the good Lord already did. HAHAHA!"


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