Monday, July 19, 2010

San Diego Zoo to House Humans

The San Diego Zoo is embarking on a controversial new program as of August 12th: It is going to welcome four humans to live in a habitat at the zoo.

The humans will live in the style of early cavepeople--in cavelike dwellings with plains-like flora, and without clothing. The habitat will be kept at a balmy 94 degrees Fahrenheit.

To avoid the awkward adjustment period that would be inevitable with adult humans, the humans selected to live at the zoo are currently babies. Two of the babies were left at firehouses in baskets, and the other two were purchased from a local family who already had ten children. Three of the babies are female and one is male. They have been affectionately nicknamed Madison, Kayla, Ashleigh, and Jayden. Zookeepers will provide baths, comfort and cuddling for the infants until they are old enough to do this for themselves. The zookeepers will never speak to the children, so they can develop their own new language. Food--in the form of nutrition pellets, vegetables, and raw beef--will be provided for the humans' entire lifetimes.

"This is a tremendous opportunity for us as an institution," said the Zoo President.


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