Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Elton John Discovered to be Illegitimate Child of Ayn Rand and Adolf Hitler

Singer Elton John, newly interested in his family history, was shocked to learn last month that he was adopted. Further research revealed last week that his birth mother was none other than writer/philosopher Ayn Rand.

John immediately reached out to several of Rand's still-living disciples, and finally learned, this morning, the tragic reason that Rand put him up for adoption: The man who fathered him was none other than Adolf Hitler, who also fathered the Holocaust.

"Most people didn't know about Ayn and Adolf," commented John. "Her friends all said that she was really secretive about the affair, and kind of ambivalent about a future with him. And that when she told him she was pregnant, he threw a tantrum and called her ugly."

When asked whether he is at peace with his new knowledge regarding his origins, Elton John smiled and shrugged. "My real family is the family that raised me. I'm not upset that my birth mother gave me up."

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