Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Swedish Doctors Engineer Torsoless Infant

A team of doctors in Sweden have successfully altered an embryo's genome to prevent it from developing a torso until the age of 4.

For ages, the torso has been the least loved portion of a human baby. Parents decry it as the heaviest, the least cute, and the fastest-growing--causing hapless fathers and mothers to need to buy shirt after shirt and onesie after onesie.

The team of doctors claims that until age 4, the child's vital organs will be located in its left leg. A temporary anal opening will be on the child's left heel, and a temporary urethral opening will be on the child's left little toe. Genitalia will also not develop until age 4, although the doctors assure the press that blood tests can reveal the sex of the child.

"We believe there is a great market for this," wrote the spokeswoman for the team of doctors. "No parent has ever said 'look at my new baby's lovely torso.' It's because torsos are not lovely at all."


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