Monday, July 19, 2010

Latvia to Use New Currency: The Booger

The Latvian Parliament voted early this morning to embark on an unusual path towards economic recovery from the impact of the great recession: To replace the current currency, the Latvian Lats (LVL) with the Latvian Booger (LBG).

While Latvia is a member of the European Union and had aimed to switch to the Euro by 2012 or 2013, the Parliament decided that it would make much more sense to eschew the Euro altogether, and when phasing out the Lats, phase in the Booger.

The first thing that is revolutionary about Latvia's move is that, unlike other countries who brought about new currencies by simply performing redenomination, ie, how the Polish New Zloty (PLN) was declared equivalent to 10,000 Polish Zloty (PLZ), Latvia has emphasized that there is no exchanging Lati for Boogers.

"This is not a redenomination," stated Prime Minister Valdis Dombrovskis. "This is a complete elimination. As of September 1, Lati will be worth zero, and each Booger will be worth 4 United States Dollars."

The second thing that is revolutionary about Latvia's move is that the currency will not be minted or printed on notes. Latvian Boogers are exactly what they sound like--Hardened nasal secretions from the Latvian populace.

"Everyone in Latvia has boogers," said Dombrovskis, shrugging, "because colds are so common. And our boogers are especially... you know, je ne sais quois. So we decided that they were worth something, and made them Boogers. Because we are worth something as a nation."

Today, the Lats is worth .000000000006% of what it was worth yesterday. The European Union's statement on the question of the Latvian Booger is forthcoming.


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