Landlocked South American country Paraguay earned the ire of US officials early this morning by announcing that July 4th would hereby be known as "National Boner Day," or, in Paraguay's official language, "Dia Nacional de Erección."
In Paraguay, National Boner Day will be celebrated by all men walking around naked and aroused. Prosthetic phalli made of wood, plastic, metal, bone, starched fabric, and corn cobs will be available for woman to purchase and wear, as well. At night, all Paraguayans are expected to partake in a silent, nation-wide musing on the meaning of the boner. After that, whether citizens use the boners in their conventional manner is "up to them," claims the Paraguayan government.
"Fine, have a boner day," commented US Vice President Joe Biden. "But do you have to do it on the American Independence Day? It just feels awfully stupid and disrespectful. Why not have a boner day on July 5th?"
Paraguay's reason for National Boner Day being on July 4th is numerological. 7+4=11, and 11 looks like two boners. Two boners are always better than one.