Playboy founder, octogenarian, and happy bachelor Hugh Hefner announced yesterday that he plans to spend the rest of his life in pursuit of one goal: To completely devour his favorite motorcycle, a 1992 Harley-Davidson FXDB Daytona, painted bubblegum pink.
Hefner says he plans to take the bike apart piece-by-piece and swallow a little bit of it every day until he has eaten the entire contraption. "I acknowledge that this might take awhile," he commented, "But I wasn't planning on dying soon. Right, girls?" A clowder of bikini-clad pneumatic blondes in their early 20s giggled in assent.
"I love that bike," Hefner continued. "I love it so much. Riding it isn't enough. Riding it naked isn't enough. And so I thought about it... what would be enough? I think this is enough. I think this is enough."
Hefner is under the constant watch of his physician, who has expressed concern about the plan. Harley-Davidson has no comment on the matter.