Sting Achieves Prehensile Urethra

Singer Sting, formerly of The Police, confessed in an interview with Fox News this morning that, with exercise and practice, he has achieved the unthinkable: A prehensile urethra!

"It started two years ago when I broke both arms and both legs while skiing," Sting said, on the air. "And, lying in bed, I couldn't pick anything up except with my mouth, which was terribly inconvenient if I was talking. So I decided to work with my peehole. I started with needles and toothpicks and moved up to thumbtacks, and now I can make a nice needlepoint with just my urethra."

Sting's urologist, Dr. G. Stoler, applauded the singer's dedication. "I don't get to see many of these," he said, shaking his head. "I don't get to see many of these."

Sting plans to tour the world in 2011, singing and exhibiting urethral dexterity.

(SOURCE)

New Jersey Man Suffers Urethral Grapes

An unnamed man in his mid-30s checked in to a Camden-area hospital early this morning with severe pain in his abdomen and groin. X-rays revealed four strange, spheroid objects in his ureter and his urethra, and doctors assumed they were abnormally smooth gall stones. The man surprised himself and the entire hospital when, after a great gasp, he peed four grapes.

"I don't even eat grapes," he was overheard saying, through his sobs. "I hate grapes." The hospital is holding him for further tests.

(SOURCE)