Thursday night, during the Republican Primary debate, Newt Gingrich shocked voters and his fellow candidates by admitting that in his youth, he had once performed fellatio on a pigeon.
"It was 1955," Gingrich said, waving his hand as though to dismiss his behavior. "Who didn't do something nutty? I was bored, and it was right there, and well, you know how boys are. This in no way has anything to do with my ability to function as President of the United States. In fact, I wager Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and both Roosevelts did the very same thing in their youth-times. It's not that abnormal. It's really not."
Gingrich's admission was in response to moderator Dan Quayle's question, "what is the worst thing you've ever done?"
Mitt Romney answered that he twice shat in his neighbor's mailbox--once in 1996, and once in 1998. "I'm really sorry," he said, shaking his head.
Rick Santorum sighed and admitted to having once fantasized about being gang-banged. "I was a young, wayward lad" he explained, "growing up in a godless country."
Ron Paul answered the question by removing his shirt.
(SOURCE)
Showing posts with label pigeons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pigeons. Show all posts
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Friday, July 2, 2010
Shakespeare Discovered to Have Been a Pigeon
Scholars at Oxford University announced today that they have found incontrovertible evidence that William Shakespeare--the most highly esteemed bard of the English language--was actually not a man, but a pigeon.
For decades, Shakespeare's true identity has been a question. Some scholars postulated that he was really a woman, or that he was really Christopher Marlowe writing under a pen name. But the age-old mysteries of certain claw marks and pigeon droppings on the first drafts of "Macbeth," "The Tempest," "Titus Andronicus" and "Julius Caesar" provided integral clues as to the poet's avian nature.
At first, the researchers believed that Shakespeare had simply kept pet pigeons. But DNA analysis of the pigeon droppings revealed that all droppings came from the same bird, and that the ink Shakespeare used was actually dyed pigeon dung. Handwriting analysis further revealed that some of Shakespeare's letter formations could only have been written with dancing clawfeet.
Says Queen Elizabeth II of England, "This certainly explains a lot."
(SOURCE)
For decades, Shakespeare's true identity has been a question. Some scholars postulated that he was really a woman, or that he was really Christopher Marlowe writing under a pen name. But the age-old mysteries of certain claw marks and pigeon droppings on the first drafts of "Macbeth," "The Tempest," "Titus Andronicus" and "Julius Caesar" provided integral clues as to the poet's avian nature.
At first, the researchers believed that Shakespeare had simply kept pet pigeons. But DNA analysis of the pigeon droppings revealed that all droppings came from the same bird, and that the ink Shakespeare used was actually dyed pigeon dung. Handwriting analysis further revealed that some of Shakespeare's letter formations could only have been written with dancing clawfeet.
Says Queen Elizabeth II of England, "This certainly explains a lot."
(SOURCE)
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