Pee Endorses Donald Trump

At a press conference at the Newtown Creek Wastewater Treatment Plant in Greenpoint, Brooklyn this evening, Pee, the clear-to-yellow liquid seen streaming forth from urethras big and small around the world, endorsed Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump.

"I was an undecided voter for a long time," Pee said, "but as I was passing through a particularly economically depressed, tiny ureter today, I've finally made up my mind. It seems to me that Mr. Trump really has my best interests at heart, so I'm going to vote for him and I urge you to do so as well."

Pee cited a hatred of free trade, a love of making America great again, and an appreciation of the pale yellow color of Mr. Trump's hair as reasons for the endorsement.

"I like yellowish things," Pee shrugged.

Pee's comrades-in-bodily-fluid have been varied in their endorsements. Poop endorsed Mr. Trump several weeks ago, as did his very conservative wife, The Squirts. Blood, Sweat, and Tears endorsed Mr. Trump's rival, the Democratic Nominee, Hillary Clinton, back in August. Vomit, Puke, Throw-up, and Snot have not endorsed any candidates, but were seen cuddling the Libertarian nominee, Gary Johnson, as he sailed around the Sargasso Sea on his private grand-canoe. Santorum will only ever support Dick Cheney.

(SOURCE)

Zimbabwe Invades Russia

Zimbabwe launched an attack on Russia this morning. The Zimbabwe Royal Navy sent 300 ships to invade Vladivostok. 200 of the ships were iron-clad warships, 50 were canoes, and 50 were nuclear submarines.

Russia issued a press release saying, in Russian, "We are at a loss as to why this is happening." Zimbabwe has yet to comment.