An international cartel of human leg harvesters was sentenced to life in prison without parole this morning by the Supreme Court of the United States. Justice Antonin Scalia delivered the sentence with his characteristic glower: "You are going to rot in prison."
The leg harvesting operation grew out of a high school male prostitution ring gone awry. The boys, headquartered in Dallas, Texas, sold themselves to housewives and househusbands all across the metropolitan area. In 2008, a rancher requested a pair of legs without a boy attached, and the ring provided. Soon, that rancher ran the whole operation and shipped legs all across the world.
The CIA followed the plot for years, infiltrating its ranks. The cartel shipped legs, packed tight in coolers,to Mexico, Canada, China, Papua New Guinea, Morocco, Italy, Turkey, Pakistan, and Thailand. Recipients used the legs as fetish objects, medicine, and talismans against evil.
The legs belonged to the original male prostitutes and their wrestling team friends.