At a press conference in Rome today, Pope Benedict XVI announced that God revealed to him during an intense morning prayer session that "one Pope is no longer enough."
"Apparently," said Benedict, in lightly accented Latin, "the rule is one Pope per every 6,000,000,000 people. The world's population is now closer to 6,697,254,041. So, we've got to have two Popes. I get it. It's a lot of work. I have been feeling tired."
"Why didn't we know about this before?" shouted a reporter from the audience, in Armenian.
"God's ways are beyond mysterious," smiled Benedict. "They are downright odd. He kinda likes to tell me things as they happen, instead of providing a proper warning."
The short list for Second Pope, as provided to Benedict by God, is as follows: Liam Neeson, Joe Biden, a currently anonymous priest from Halifax, and Justin Timberlake.