Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Belarus Moves Capital to Pinsk

In an evening press conference on September 27th, citing security concerns and "a certain sense of boredom," Aleksandr Lukashenko, Dictator of Belarus, announced that he was permanently moving the country's capital to Pinsk.

The capital of Belarus, formerly the Byelorussian Soviet Socialist Republic, has been Minsk since 1919. Pinsk is further south in the country and it suffered more heavily from the Chernobyl disaster's fallout, radiating over the border from neighboring Ukraine.

"I've always enjoyed Pinsk and her people," stated Lukashenko. "I would like to spend more time there, so we're all moving. Sorry."

Aleksandr Lukashenko "follows the sober way of life; he denounces idlers, traitors, drunkards, those who do not keep their word. He tries to find time for going in for sport (tennis, skating, skiing, hockey, football), for reading sociological and classical literature. A.G. Lukashenko's ill-wishers try to describe him as a conservative and an enemy to innovations, whilst he does not accept any arm-chair decisions incompatible with real life. He is the only politician in Europe who perceives the truth as, above all else, a category of conscience, and he always demands from politicians that they should comply with moral categories in their decision taking."


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