Monday, August 23, 2010

Sting Achieves Prehensile Urethra

Singer Sting, formerly of The Police, confessed in an interview with Fox News this morning that, with exercise and practice, he has achieved the unthinkable: A prehensile urethra!

"It started two years ago when I broke both arms and both legs while skiing," Sting said, on the air. "And, lying in bed, I couldn't pick anything up except with my mouth, which was terribly inconvenient if I was talking. So I decided to work with my peehole. I started with needles and toothpicks and moved up to thumbtacks, and now I can make a nice needlepoint with just my urethra."

Sting's urologist, Dr. G. Stoler, applauded the singer's dedication. "I don't get to see many of these," he said, shaking his head. "I don't get to see many of these."

Sting plans to tour the world in 2011, singing and exhibiting urethral dexterity.


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