United Airlines earned the ire of the nation this morning when it unveiled, on the Today Show, a thorough and detailed plan to build a 60,000 square foot airplane hangar directly on Ground Zero.
"Especially considering there isn't even an airport very nearby, this is a pretty dick move," commented New York's Mayor, Michael Bloomberg. "How do they think they're going to get the airplanes out of storage and to the airport? The Brooklyn-Battery tunnel!? I just think that--"
"Actually, since they're planes, we plan to fly them," interrupted United's CEO, Faustine Leche Sorenson.
"On what runway!" shot back Bloomberg. "This city has enough to worry about as it is!"
Sixty separate New York City groups have gone on the record stating that they believe Ground Zero is an insensitive place to build an airplane hangar. Nationwide, Americans are boycotting airlines that store their airplanes in hangars. Ann Coulter is the lone celebrity defender of United's decision. "Ya'll are a bunch of whiners," she said on her blog, gayporncards.com. "Get over it. Airplanes don't kill people; people kill people."
Ground Zero is the place that used to house the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. The towers fell on September 11th, 2001, when two airplanes mistook them for airplane hangars.