At 10:00am today, several masked, unknown perpetrators smuggled the disinterred corpse of Ronald Reagan into 1 World Trade Center--the most northerly of the Twin Towers--and up to the tower's roof before throwing him over the edge. The corpse landed atop a canoodling couple walking on Vesey street, killing them instantly.
Building CCTV recordings reveal the perpetrators to be three in number. They wore all black and monster masks. They also had dressed Mr. Reagan's corpse in all black, though his decomposed face looked enough like a monster mask that one was not required for him.
"We suspect that the perpetrators are prankster youths," read the NYPD's official statement. "We have no idea how they obtained the former president's disinterred corpse, or why they would drop it off the World Trade Center."
Police Chief Janet Reno observed, with a twinkle in her eye, "It takes a real sicko to do this."
The twin towers of the World Trade Center have been involved in several criminal incidents in the past.
Mr. Reagan's corpse shattered into many pieces as it hit its victims, and what bits could be collected have been cremated and scattered at sea.