Monday, August 9, 2010

Nick Cave Arrested for Eating Trees

Crooner Nick Cave was arrested late Sunday night for breaking into the Brooklyn Botanic Garden and devouring six full trees. Cave ate: Two live oaks, a maple, a yew, a birch, and an apple tree. The singer ate the entire trees--bark, leaves, roots, and all. He had just started munching on a sycamore when a Garden Ranger happened upon him and shot him with a tranquilizer gun.

"I thought he was a bear," said the Garden Ranger, who asked to remain anonymous. "We get a lot of bears around here in the August month."

Cave was hospitalized with a distended belly and a wood-perforated intestine. "I really don't know what came over me," he said in his trademark deep voice. It was raspy with bark remnants. "I don't even like vegetables much. I really am so sorry, you guys. Maybe it's the Ambien or something."

Cave says, if he recovers and does not die, he plans to record an album called "Tree-eater" and donate all the proceeds to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. The garden is suing him for the replacement of all six trees and also for the replacement of one tranquilizer dart. Cave is banned from the garden for the rest of his life.


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