Monday, August 8, 2011

US GDP Falls by 76%

The United States issued a worldwide press release this afternoon, announcing that its gross domestic product had declined by 76% in the month of July. "Everyone is really bored and tired, and we don't want to do stuff anymore," the missive began. It went on to list all the reasons for the nation's collective ennui, which included: heat, hunger, "our shoes are too tight," "farms aren't fun anymore," "metal is dumb to make," "we feel like being minimalists," and "so what, fuck you."

Yugoslavia responded with a press release of its own, stating "you owe us some money, though." Iraq issued a press release that read "huh, whatever." China issued a press release in Chinese, but nobody could translate it.


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