World-famous baritone Andrea Bocelli announced after a sold-out concert in Brooklyn's McGolrick Park this morning that he is in the process of finalizing "the most amazing record of [his] career." The crowd gave this news a standing ovation, and Mr. Bocelli hushed them, saying "let me tell you about it first, okay?"
The record, which will be released by Interscope in December, will be a 68-minute pornographic spoken-word album featuring titles such as "Fuck my Fucking Fuck-hole," "BallMouth," "A Dick a Day Dionysus," and "Twats, Cunts, and Gashes." Background music will consist of light oboe and cello sounds donated by the Cleveland City Orchestra.
"I'm really proud of this record," Bocelli said. "It's a new direction for me. A permanent one? Time will tell, as time always tells. But it feels great right now!"