Sunday, July 10, 2011

Britney Spears Has Surgery to Switch Face and Butt

Britney Spears was admitted to the UCLA Hospital Major Surgery Center early Sunday morning for an operation-- faciobuttoplasty--she claims she has been hoping to have for a long time.

"I've been saving money for this since I was a little girl," she told a Newsweek reporter, as she sat in the waiting room. "This is going to be a dream come true."

Ms. Spears, 34, is going to be the world's first person to undergo this new and controversial procedure. A team of plastic surgeons will first remove her entire face and store it in a sterile liquiviscuous hydrogen chamber while Ms. Spears is flipped over for her butt to receive the same treatment. Once her butt is removed and stored in the chamber, her face will be brought out of the liquiviscuous hydrogen and graphed carefully to the area where her butt used to be. Since butts are classically larger than faces, Ms. Spears' face will be lightly stretched to cover the correct amount of her body. Once the face is stiched to where the butt used to be, Ms. Spears will be flipped over again and her butt will be brought out of the liquiviscuous hydrogen and graphed to where her face used to be. The extra buttflesh will be used to create "cute little florettes" that Ms. Spears designed herself, to be sewn to her ears.

Once the outer, cosmetic part of the surgery is complete, a team of internists and surgeons will use lasers to reroute the workings of Ms. Spears body so she can still see from her newly-placed eyes, smell from her newly-placed nose, eat from her newly-placed mouth, and defecate from her newly-placed butt without any hardship.

Ms. Spears is expected to be released from the hospital by Tuesday, and her bandages are set to come off the following Friday.

"I feel great about this," she said, smiling. "Next time you see this smile, you know where it will be!"


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