The Grand Duke of Switzerland, Heimlich K. Maneuver, announced late Saturday night that Switzerland is abandoning the CHF in favor of what he called "a return to the peaceful values of trading goods and services for goods and services."
"Listen," he said, shaking his head. "We're tired of all this banking bullshit. We're closing all the banks and turning them into gardens. The gardens will grow flowers and foodstuffs. We will trade the flowers and foodstuffs. Tomorrow morning, the Swiss franc will be worth zilch."
Grand Duke Heimlich K. Maneuver, a world-renowned expert in the fields of Economics, Policy, and Fencing, holds advanced degrees from the University of Phoenix and the University of the Ozarks. His Facebook page lists his hobbies, which include: "war games," "knowing when to hold/knowing when to fold," and "receiving fellatio :)"