Early Friday, a newly-formed consortium of all professional football players, calling themselves "NFA" which stands for "no football anymore," announced that they were finished playing football and that they have invented a new sport that is much better. The group made a press release and purchased full-page advertisements in The New York Times, The Boston Globe, the Los Angeles Times, and Time Magazine.
"It's called Running On A Field," reads the copy. "It's much better than football. You still have two teams in two different outfits. You still have people watching the game and cheering. Only, there is no ball, and the rules are as thus: As soon as the game starts, everyone begins to run around. Everyone wears a pedometer. An hour later, the score is tallied, and the team with the most points wins. Here are how the score is tabulated:
1. Raw pedometer numbers (more miles = better. One point per 1/10th of a mile.)
2. Tricks. A triple-axl is five points. A cartwheel is 10 points. A back handspring is 12 points. Skipping or galloping across the entire field is 5 points. Hopping on one foot the entire game is worth 30 points.
We like this game much better than football, so we're playing it instead from now on. Sincerely, the NFA."